Updated: Nov 14, 2021
If someone was to describe you, what words would you most like to hear them say?
if you Immediately think about a close romantic relationship, chances are that you may want to hear words like ‘caring,’ ‘loyal‘ or ‘fun’ on your list.
If you think about a work-related relationship, chances are that you will add words like ‘smart,’ ‘reliable‘ or ‘professional’ on your list.
We all want to be seen as something that we are not - or are but a portion of the time. I worked with many people who consistently listed ‘smart’ as the recurring and dominant aspiration. ‘I want to be seen as the smartest person in the room’ one repeatedly said.
Sometimes they were incredibly smart - but not always. Usually what they missed was the need for the integrated self to come through to others rather than an obsession with being seen as bright - and worse, right!
Which is the real you? Are we that bifurcated?
Different selves play to different contexts - you naturally reveal a different side to yourself as a parent, political supporter, sports fan or churchgoer. You are all of the above. And the company you keep will dictate which self gets the lions share of your decision-making self and quality of judgement.
In an Instagram, TikTok and Twitter-obsessed world, can you really be yourself? Each photo and word sent is immortalised - as many a late-stage career celebrity discovers too late. There was no PR agency around in the heat of the moment to filter and sanction that emotion-laden rant!
it’s a mistake to lead your life wanting to be seen as a certain way. Why? Because others see what they want to see - they interpret you through their eyes, not yours, Everything is centred around a reference point of It.
Be true to yourself and don’t build your identity or image on sand - because that’s all it is.
One windstorm will throw you off centre and collapse your castle. Being truly smart is to know this, accept it, and be comfortable reinventing and readjusting the real self.
Only that has perpetuity.